When Desire and Fear Collide; Swimming with Dolphins for the Win!

Aug 18, 2021

Last week, in the midst of a dream come true adventure, when I proudly proclaimed my status as “an old woman”, a much younger woman felt I was being harsh.  With tenderness, she tried to soften and reframe it for me as: 

 “You’re past the prime of your life.

Say what???  

Ummm, she’s so sweet, but oh so wrong and I quickly set her straight: 

 “I’m past my childbearing years, and 

NOW, I’m in the Prime of MY LIFE!

And then, I backflipped off the boat.

Yep, that’s my goofy, 55-year old self mid air.  

It wasn’t an Olympic level back flip by any means, but damn it was as much fun as it was nerve-wracking.  And, to amp things up even more, I was terrified that even if I succeeded with the flip, I’d then be faced with one of my greatest fears… FISH!

Yes, you read it correctly.  I have a ridiculous fish phobia; have since I was in elementary school. Don’t have a clue why; but it’s as real as my love of the water.  I know it’s insane, that’s what a phobia is: an irrational fear.  

However, every single day last week I forced myself past my comfort zone into the ocean.  I kept my terror as quiet as I could.  (Not that it wasn’t obvious when fish got a bit too close to me and I freaked out several times. It was hard not to notice as I squealed in panic and frantically made my way back to the boat where it would take me ten minutes to get my heart rate down to reasonable, lol.)

 But hey, I did it!  I refused to sacrifice my desire in favor of my fear. 

Gotta say, I’m proud of myself and incredibly grateful to my “old” body for letting me have so much fun, sexy and otherwise, with it. I really do believe the 50s are Fabulous! 

What about you?  

What are you proud of doing now that you wouldn’t have done when you were younger? 

And, let’s go a step further… have you told yourself how proud you are? 

Cuz there’s no doubt about it- each of us has good reason to be proud of ourselves, and we need and deserve to acknowledge our achievements, just as we need and deserve to be recognized by others.  

We might be older and bigger, but there is little difference between us and a child who needs encouragement from parents and/or teachers in order to succeed. Heck, even plants are shown to grow more when they receive words of affirmation!

I speak from experience, sadly.  While I can objectively look back and note some pretty major personal successes in my life, the “popular theory” about me (that I bought into) was that I was “lucky” rather than accomplished. 

Of course, the tough part of being “lucky” is that it can run out at any time and there wasn’t anything I could do to hold onto it.  So, I had zero confidence in my abilities.  I was left simply praying for good things to happen rather than feeling that I had any meaningful control of my life.  In short, I believed I had little substantive value and the flip side of this was that I didn’t think I deserved anything I had.  

It’s now been a decade of tearing down those foolish and destructive beliefs, and I’m fairly pleased with my progress.  Yet I know that without constant effort, resolve and affirmation, I’ll slide right back into self-loathing because it’s such a familiar though awful place.  

Now maybe you are not someone who struggles with so much self doubt, in which case- yayyyyyy you!!!!!!!!!!!  Truly.  I love hearing from those who have an easier time being comfortable and loving with themselves- I aspire to get to where you are.  And I need to see it to believe it’s possible. 

But for those of you who are like me and need regular reminders of your successes, here’s what’s been working well for me: 

Each and every night, I verbally express my appreciation to myself and my body using words of gratitude as well as pleasurable, loving touches...and if I stir up a desire for an orgasmic reward, I am proud to be able to gift myself such intimate and fulfilling pleasure.

Thankfully, despite years of hating it, my body is incredibly forgiving of the furtive and guilt ridden touches I used to offer in shame.   These days I almost laugh at how delighted it is to receive the pleasure I now give myself wholeheartedly.  (Or ask for and receive from a partner- another huge step forward for me!)

Of course, it’d be freaking wonderful if we could all just become our best selves without having to confront our fears, or get out of our comfort zone.  But that’s as ridiculous as me hoping muscles magically appear on my ass while I’m sitting here typing. 😞

Yet, what is true is that facing small fears can give us confidence to tackle bigger ones, and the adrenaline rush of conquering scary things can actually start feeling good which inspires further advancements.  It’s like a bizarre game of dominoes, lol.  

I swear, there’s no way that I would ever have dreamed that learning to accept my sexual self would ever have led to me snorkeling with fish- but it’s absolutely true. 

(Funny story, when I was unhappily married (having BMS and unable to bring myself to ask for anything other than that) and trying to think of ways to “connect” with my husband, I bought a scuba trip at a charity auction. I was so excited to share an adventure with him, until a friend noted that fish wouldn’t be scared away by my scuba attire.  That observation was enough to scare the wetsuit off me and I promptly sold the trip rather than confront my phobia. Crazy and sad, but true.  How we are in the bedroom is often reflected in life.) 

So, I don’t think there is any way I could have experienced this magical dolphin encounter without learning to literally love myself emotionally and physically.  

And hey, now I’m so good at love that I can flirt with dolphins- how freaking cool is that???  πŸ˜πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‰

Now, what about you?  Do you have fears that might be holding you back from living your most passionate life?  What dreams would you like to make come true for yourself? What small steps can you take to build up your confidence? 

I’d love to hear from you and cheer you on! And hey, if you want some help-I assure you that my coaching skills, unlike my flips, are πŸ₯‡ worthy!  Lol.  

Send me an email to [email protected]!

Oh, oh oh!!!!!  I almost forgot to tell you my OOOPS!!! And OUCH!!!!!!!! Argh… so, if you follow me on Facebook, you probably saw my post about getting almost to the airport and realizing I  forgot my passport, but that wasn’t all I forgot, sadly.  The embarrassing truth is, I forgot to bring LUBE!!!  And it’s ridiculous cuz I’m constantly reminding everyone that salt water makes women dry--- yet I totally forgot my own advice!  And let me just say… Owwwww!!!!  Yes, salt water does make a pussy dry and even gentle clit stimulation on a dry clit can create unpleasant feelings that last way longer than the bliss of orgasm!  So next time you go to the beach, take my advice and pack lots of good lube even if you are solo!