Let's All Out Ourselves! I'll Go First!

Jun 29, 2021

Earlier this week I shared an article about a NFL player who acknowledged that he was gay, and it made me realize a few things...
 
   1. Almost all of us are "in the closet" when it comes to our sexual preferences because those who want a steady stream of married, quiet, missionary position, monogamous, heterosexual sex only is actually the minority. (Over 57% of men and women fantasize about spankings and possibly as many as 75% are curious about threesomes...)😯
 
    2.  It's unkind of us to stand by and watch others be outed (by choice or force) while we remain hidden under the pretense of "hetero-normalcy". 🤐
 
    3. If we all "out" ourselves, it will be easier for others, including our children and grandchildren, to find healthy role models for themselves regardless of their sexual expression style. (When we recognize it sexual expression as a means of intimate connection and physical demonstration of love, isn't it easier to realize that it's just like Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages  ... when it comes to sexual expressions of love, none are better or worse, but they are different. 
 
  💜 Thus, I'm "outing" myself. While I've not made a secret of my sexual preferences for the past few years, I've also not been this bold.  I had to admit to myself that I was "passing", because I was afraid to be so public about something so controversial.  I was (and am, actually) afraid that I will be labeled a "freak", a "weirdo" (not in the good way), and I will be marginalized (ie. not respected or  accepted personally or professionally.) 
 
 The fact that I'm still scared about this made me realize that I have to speak up. 
 
Because the truth is,
 
I've been a romantic submissive my whole life- but because I didn't know "good people" could be into BDSM (in fact, I didn't know that was a thing), I spent most of my life hiding and fighting my sexual desires.  I thought I was the only "normal" person that wanted not to be in control sexually.  If I had known other respected people who were into the BDSM lifestyle, I might have realized decades earlier that my desires didn't mean I was a weak woman or a pervert; how BDSM could be loving and nurturing; and how to find a complementary loving, doting dominant.  🧐
 
I think that the more of us who "out" ourselves, the better it will be for the younger people who are still looking for role models to show them that it's ok to be exactly who they are, and that a life of love is available to all regardless of their choice of sexual expression. 
 
And, to all the LGBTQI (and all others) who paved the way (sometimes painfully) by outing or being outed while I "passed", I'm truly sorry.  My heart has always been with you, and I wish I had seen things clearly earlier.