How I Got Where I Am Today

Aug 11, 2021

Over the past few years, I’ve really put an effort into living my life authentically and, I’m gonna be honest with y’all… it’s not been easy. Yeah, sure, you’ve watched me “come out” live on YouTube and spout my sexy knowledge all over the Internet, but what you’re not seeing are the struggles I faced inside myself that enabled me to be the bubbly, open, and optimistic sexpert I strive to be.

So let’s talk about that, because that is exactly what enabled me to get over any hangups I encountered when pursuing my new profession as a sexy genius/relationship coach: TALKING. 

If you listen to my podcast, you hear it every week: I take words seriously and understand that the words we use affect our perception of reality.  That’s why I dislike clinical terms because I find them to be more cold than sexy. This is why I’ve adopted the “sexy fun” in place of just “sex”. Because after a while, if it’s not fun, who wants to bother? ?

Speaking of fun, that was really one of the things that sparked this journey for me. I took stock of my life… my kids were starting to leave the house to live their own lives...and I had to wonder, where did that leave me?

Well, first let me make it clear… 

Moms, you are more than what you do for your kids. You are a gorgeous, talented, valuable and SEXY individual. Remind yourself of that as often as you need to. Not only will it be good for your own self esteem, it’ll also be a great example for your kids to grow up with. Let them see the person you actually are instead of the person you feel like you’re supposed to be. 💕

I know the truth of the above, because I didn’t live it.

Until I got divorced and life as I knew it blew up.

Well, let me tell y’all, I spun a little bit out of control. 

I was pissed at myself for having settled for so little of what really mattered to me in my marriage and thus my life.  In hindsight, I saw all the big and little ways I lost myself from the way we spent our family time, the house I lived in, the vacations we took, the dinners I ate, the way I looked, even our sex life.  You’ve heard me talk about BMS* many times, right? That’s because I lived it for 23 years. (*Boring Married Sex) 😏

I decided I was done being a shell of myself- I had to find myself , so I started drilling down into the things that I thought would truly bring me joy and I was going to stop wasting my time on things that didn’t.

Unfortunately, I didn’t know what would bring me joy personally, cuz I hadn’t had much of it aside from my kids, so I had to get creative.  👀

I started easy, spying a plate of food across the restaurant and not recognizing it, I’d get up the courage to ask the stranger eating that, “What *is* that?! It looks interesting!”

Now, normally, I would have just silently studied the menu, trying to figure out what that mystery plate was, but I swallowed up my nerves and just asked!

And as I got more brave and started asking more people about things that made me wonder, I found myself making all sorts of new and interesting friends. People love talking about things that bring them joy...especially when you approach them with sincere, non-judgemental curiosity. 

Of course, since I was a kid I was always hungry for love and stories about love, so it’s not a surprise that I started talking to people about their love stories.  Especially since I was determined that my life would be full of exciting passionate love in the future.  

It was in my quest to find what gives me pleasure,  that I realized how many other people were still living lives without passionate pleasure (in life and love). 

It was then that I realized my journey could help more than just me. 

By sharing what I’ve learned, I save people, marriages, even families, by teaching them how to love well.

That’s what happens when you’re willing to take stock, ask challenging questions and actually listen to what others have to share. 

And so here I am, finding myself in crazy situations like at a Swingers Clubs where I see something from across the room, point at it and asking, “What *is* that?! It looks interesting!”

Wanna start asking some new questions of your own? Ready for some interesting new conversations? and I are here to help.