Beth’s # 1 Tip To Make Talking About Sex EasyJul 28, 2021
(Note: If you haven’t done the challenges from the past few blogs, you might enjoy this more by starting with this one and doing them in order till this one.)
We’ve been doing some work this month, y’all haven’t we? Have you noticed a difference in your relationship? What about your partner? More importantly, what have you discovered about yourself?
I know for me, the more time I invest in thinking, feeling and being sexy, the happier I am overall. It’s kinda crazy that I thought being sexy was a sign of being”less than”, when the reality is, it’s the opposite. Sexy adds MORE! When added to smart and successful, sexy makes them a winning trifecta!
Of course, once we start winning, we all want bigger wins, right? (Btw, in case no one told you yet, YOU deserve big, huge, happy wins all the damn time!) The good news is, when it comes to sexy, and passionate love, everyone can win and no one has to pay. 😍
If you’re ready to win more, I’m gonna make it ridiculously easy for you to up your sexy status by helping you learn how to have truly intimate Sexy Conversations.
Now to be clear, I don’t mean that I want you to talk like a porn star, or force you to use explicit “dirty” talk, either. (Although for the record- I think that can be incredibly liberating and fun also.)
Rather, I want to make conversations about sex easy for you.
Obviously, you know that you can use what you’ve learned in the past few weeks, like teasing during a car ride, sharing your fantasies via text message, as fodder for sexy conversations 😏 But I know that there’s still a big leap to actually sharing the hard things, like asking for what you want from your partner in the bedroom, or your wildest fantasies, or even your sexual fears, etc.
Don’t worry-- I got you!
So, are you ready?
Actually, let’s take a couple of deep breaths before we dive in.
Inhale....Exhale… (Remember, darling, a few deep breaths are the secret to collecting yourself or your thoughts even in the midst of high anxiety. Plus, the hidden benefit is that the extra lit bit of oxygen also gives you a boost of courage.)
Ok, now that you’re feeling brave…
Here’s the Single Biggest Secret to having seriously sexy conversations (or frankly any conversation that you’re uncomfortable about): (Drumroll please!)
Sit back to back, skin to skin, leaning into each other.*
That’s it. Just making this one simple adjustment to starting an awkward conversation will make things so much easier on you… and the person you’re talking to. 💋
Think about it. Our first reaction to anything new or unexpected is usually a combination of shock and fear. It’s not our fault, though. Humans are literally biologically programmed this way to protect us from danger.
Have you ever started a conversation with “Now, don’t freak out, but…” and actually had the other person NOT freak out before you even finish your sentence?
Yeah… that’s the problem. No matter how hard we try to control our reactions, we don’t do a great job of hiding those initial ones. (Even great poker players have tells.)
But, since most of our uncontrollable “tells” show up on our faces, we can protect each other from any “accidental negativity” by sitting back to back. And, I promise you, darling, just doing this simple thing makes every tough conversation infinitely easier.
Simply sitting back to back allows each of you to engage fully in the conversation without wasting energy trying to maintain your poker face.
It’s easier not only to say things when you are back to back, but it’s also easier to truly “hear” things when you aren’t facing someone. It allows each person the freedom to fully process and reflect on the topic before giving any feedback. (Want proof that “if looks could kill…”? Think of how many conversations are stopped by “that look”.)
Ironically, the more you love and know your partner, the more impossible it is for you to hide your reactions even when you are trying your best. Sadly, while you might simply be surprised and not judgemental at all, your surprised expression (and your effort to hide it) is often enough for your partner to jump to the conclusion that you disapprove. Then it’s too easy for them to backtrack and withdraw rather than continue on.
This works for all delicate topics!
- Have you been thinking about bringing a third into your relationship (listen to our episode about throuples >>>>>here<<<<<!)? Sit back to back.
- Have you been getting turned on thinking about stimulating your hubby’s prostate (we have a class for that >>>>>here<<<<<)? Sit back to back.
- Did you accidentally break your wife’s favorite coffee cup (we know, this isn’t a sexy topic, but it 100% counts as a delicate situation.)? Sit back to back.
So there it is, darlings! My foolproof tip for making talking about the delicate topic of sex easier. Opening up like this allows you to ask for what you truly want… and who knows?
You might just get it.