3 Steps to A Great (Self) Love Affair

Oct 06, 2021

Last week, I shared with you why I think it is so important to love yourself, and more importantly, treat yourself with love.

You can read the full blog here, but I want to be sure to reiterate one point here:


You might be like me and think that depriving yourself is what is good for your kids, but it’s actually the polar opposite. And if you don’t understand why, please read last week’s blog before you continue. (click here)

Once you understand that loving yourself well isn’t indulgence, it’s necessary, I hope you’ll drop the guilt and join me in the realm of appreciation and pleasure. (Don’t you want to show your kids that life, even when it’s tough, is well worth the effort?)

To get you started in the practice of loving yourself well, I’ve put together:

3 Simple Steps to Start a Love Affair With Yourself

1. Take yourself out for a date. Dress yourself up in a way that makes you feel good. Treat yourself to a leisurely coffee, dinner, dessert, or a movie, whatever YOU want. Wherever YOU want. Relax and enjoy your own company. Be proud to be with yourself, celebrate the things you like about yourself (you can make a list before you go to read during your date if you are someone who feels weird being alone in public.) Literally talk to yourself, even if it’s in your head, and tell yourself how glad you are to be doing this, how much you deserve it and how much fun it is. You can even thank yourself at the end!

During your date, notice and appreciate the things around you like the view, the flavors, the music or whatever is appealing to you, especially if they are things that you might normally overlook. Then, do the same thing for yourself: reflect on yourself and notice all the things that make you good, worthy and loveable. (Feel free to make a list to save for times when you doubt yourself.) Toast yourself repeatedly and be specific about what you are celebrating about yourself.

2. Two words: Bubble Bath. I know it’s kind of a cliche, but cliches are cliches for a reason. Protect yourself from interruptions and distractions by letting the kids watch a movie or ship them to a friend's house, or make sure your partner is on duty. Grab a glass of champagne, or your fave beverage, and maybe a book that inspires you or you’ve been dying to read but haven’t made time for yet. Lock yourself in the bathroom and take a few deep breaths to release the stress caused by making this happy, lol.

Create an ambience that works for you, whether it’s candlelight or darkness, and whatever music makes you happy. Don’t choose something that you think you’re “supposed” to listen to in the bath. If Lynyrd Skynyrd makes you happy, blast that loud and proud. If you get joy from the Beach Boys, enjoy those good vibrations. You’re not trying to make anyone happy but yourself during this luxurious bathtub experience.

Then lay back, relax, ignore the world and your phone, and enjoy the loving kindness you are bestowing upon yourself. Notice the sensations from your body as you allow it to relax fully. Breathe deeply.

When you’ve had time to fully unwind, raise a toast to yourself. Speak words of affirmation out loud as if you were speaking about your friend to another friend. (Which you are because you should be your own best friend!) Don’t worry if you giggle, it’s ok to laugh at how weird it is to talk to yourself about yourself. But, speaking from experience, over time, as you get past the awkward giggles, you’ll realize how nice it is to hear yourself recognized and celebrated in a truthful manner. (Don’t use false praise, platitudes or bs, only kind truths.)

3. Make love to yourself. Now, this one might sound difficult, but it’s hugely important. And it’s not just about giving yourself an orgasm or physical pleasure.

I want you to be hugely brave and in front of a full length mirror wearing an outfit that makes you feel attractive. Spend a good two minutes looking at yourself. Appreciate yourself. Celebrate the parts of you that thrill you!

Once you’re duly impressed with that gorgeous body of yours, let the seduction begin! Treat your body like you would a lover, taking time to slowly undress, to caress your body where it feels good. Notice your skin flushing as you remove clothing and start to turn yourself on.

Marvel at the wonders of your body as your nipples harden and your genitals become engorged. Let your fingers wander, touching anything that gives you a physical or emotional response. Pay attention to what feels good. Experiment with different sensations. Try touching yourself firmly vs. softly and make mental note of what feels best. Try different sensations too: pinching, tickling, slapping. You never know what your body might respond to!

Once you’ve gotten yourself turned on enough that you’re ready to cum, give yourself permission to completely give in to yourself and just let go. Let the orgasm envelop your entire body until you are utterly spent.

Allow yourself a full 5 minutes to luxuriate in the delicious afterness of love. As you begin to regroup and end your lovemaking session, thank yourself as sincerely as you would a favorite lover. In doing so, you’ll complete the cycle of connection, engagement, passion, love and closure. That cycle is necessary to allow you to harness your full attention and energy elsewhere.

Don’t you feel almost satisfied just reading the above? Aren’t you excited to start this grand love affair? And to continue it for the rest of your life, finding new rituals and options for loving yourself well?

Of course, as I said at the beginning- when you learn to love yourself well, it’s good for those you love. You’ll find yourself wanting everyone around you to be as happy and well loved as you are- and you’ll have more energy to love them.

When you do, I suggest treating yourself to one or both of my classes on Oral Pleasure. Not only will you learn to love loving your partner more than you imagined possible, but you’ll also learn things about your own pleasure and how to make the most of your sensual powers. (And of course, watching these classes with a partner can be double the pleasure!)

When you start living with love, life just gets better and better.

This I know for sure.

Learn how to better love your partner, WHILE loving yourself, at Sexy Ed School!

Enroll Now!